


had a breakdown in the evening (lying underneath the ceiling)

by lemonyscissor



Series: and i'll be okay (no i won't and this proves it) [3]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt Wilbur Soot, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Sad Wilbur Soot, Short One Shot, Suicidal Thoughts, Unless you want it to be, Wilbur Soot Angst, Wilbur Soot-centric, cuz i’m an edgy bitch /j, dude you choose okay, he dies but like he doesn’t, im sorry, it’s 1am, i’m people watching rn, i’m writing this while listening to saline solution on repeat, like it’s not real—, thats why i’m not tagging major character death lmao, this is a mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-12 05:08:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28879986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lemonyscissor/pseuds/lemonyscissor
Summary: he likes to fantasise about it,so why doesn’t he try it?if any of the people in this are uncomfy with this kind of thing, i’ll take it down as soon as i can <3
Series: and i'll be okay (no i won't and this proves it) [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2100693
Comments: 6
Kudos: 86





	had a breakdown in the evening (lying underneath the ceiling)

**Author's Note:**

> hi i’m wren and you’re watching disney channel  
> hi yes i’m back, with an angst one shot 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING:: su!c!dal thoughts , referenced past self-h@rm (legit can’t see it unless you s q u i n t), swearing , su!c!dal actions
> 
> it’s 1am and i’ve been on my balcony people watching for the past five hours and i thought of this lmao  
> if you wanna know what people i’ve seen it’s in end notes because today has been pretty interesante
> 
> and yeah he lives in london in this because i know how to write london lmao
> 
> also i’m british the ground floor is the ground floor the first floor is the first floor you fuckin weirdos /j (ily even if u do use floors wrong /hj)
> 
> please don’t read this if you’re in a bad place, or if any of these subjects might trigger you. click off of this, get some water or a comfort drink, just breathe and let yourself relax, okay? just try, please <3

it’s late.

wilbur’s not sure how late exactly, but he knows that it’s late and that he shouldn’t be awake, but, surprise, he is.

it’s not like he couldn’t sleep, he was sure that if he put his phone down and tried to sleep he could. more like, he was procrastinating on sleeping.

he didn’t want to go to sleep. he knew that if he went to sleep, he would continue to have the same dream over and over again.

he wanted to stop this dream.

_the dream of the cold air rushing into his flat as soon as he opens the balcony door._

all he had to do was make the dream into reality, right? he knew how to do that. he’d gotten close to doing it before, but the anxiety building up in his stomach stopped him.

he put his phone down for the first time in a couple of hours, he didn’t bother to learn the time.

the floor felt colder than before, his whole body felt cold. although, not as cold as he was about to be.

he realised extremely quickly that it was raining outside. barely, but still raining. 

he liked this kind of rain. when it’s finished and the streets are wet and water is dripping off of things. it’s calming.

he probably shouldn’t have gone barefoot onto the balcony, but he didn’t really care, if anything, it added more to the experience.

_the dream of the twisting of his stomach, constantly checking for any signs of people and getting more lightheaded by the second at the thought of someone seeing him in such a state._

the wind was vicious, the trees were shaking so much you’d think they were in an earthquake. wilbur didn’t like it. it made him feel uncomfortable.

_the dream of staring at the railing so long it felt like it would snap in half._

there was a little side table on the balcony, and wilbur was about to use it for something it most definitely was not intended for.

_the dream of his body losing all senses and letting the wind take him for itself._

it took him a while to climb up onto the railing, he would be lying if he wasn’t a little scared. if he backed out several times after putting one leg over the railing, he didn’t think about it.

there was water seeping through his trousers and his hands had become numb from him resting them beside him on the railing.

he sat cautiously for a bit, before letting his legs swing slightly. he let go of a breath he didn’t know he was holding, he felt the ache in his limbs evaporate.

he stared at the sight around him, the buildings, the buildings that people lived in. people that could come out any second.

people that probably wouldn’t give a shit if they saw him.

it was london, he would expect that.

the area he lived in was shitty anyway, the place across from him was still under construction and already looked fucking atrocious. his flat was literally in an alley. his neighbour was fucking insane and had regular visits from the police. one side of his balcony was broken because a bitch of a teenager threw a rock at it. a kid in his flat was stabbed twice right outside.

it was normal for him, of course, but to others, not so much. 

he let himself let go of the railing. it was fucking terrifying, that’s for sure, but after a while, it felt so immensely freeing that he regretted not doing it earlier.

he thought about ways to make himself feel more free. he thought about taking his hoodie off, exposing his arms to the fresh air for the first time in ages, with no worry that people would see. he pushed that thought down shortly, he may be a mentally unstable little bitch, but that didn’t mean he wanted to fucking freeze to death.

at this point, he was visibly shaking. he couldn’t tell whether it was from the extremely cold weather, or because he was sitting on a fucking balcony and could drop any second now.

he didn’t know if he wanted to fall or not. he thought about it, thought about slipping off of the railing, thought about falling through the air, thought about his body hitting the ground.

it was only the first floor, it’s not like he’d die. he’d just be seriously injured. if he was sent to hospital, people he knew may find out. hell, they’d definitely find out. he’d have to face his friends.

that for sure got him freaking out if he wasn’t already. he wanted to think that he was calm, but the fact that his hands wouldn’t stop fucking shaking like crazy compared to the rest of his body didn’t really let him convince himself of that.

emotions of all kind was coursing through him, and he couldn’t name a single one. strange enough, he didn’t feel like crying at all, he felt like he should, but he didn’t.

instead, he laughed. he didn’t know why, but he burst into a fit of laughter. not strong enough that he’d lose his balance and fall, the thought of that was fucking horrifying, falling without warning like that.

he felt like he could stay there for hours, and maybe he would if people didn’t start coming out of there houses at five and cars weren’t passing by every ten minutes. 

at times like these, he wanted to be alone, and by that, he meant fully alone. no other people existing in the world, only him, by himself, enjoying the trashy view of the world in front of him.

at least, that’s what he thought he wanted. maybe he just wanted to be alone, by not existing himself.

maybe he wanted that.

he didn’t know.

he didn’t really care to know, either.

he was so lost in thought, his mind was drifting to corners that he didn’t know even existed.

he didn’t have time to think about what he wanted, why did he have to think about it anyway?

he decided just to enjoy the moment he was in right now, realise what was in front of him.

however, what he didn’t realise was how lightheaded he was getting, how fast he was slipping away from reality, how fast he was slipping off of the railing.

_the dream of him falling._

it was slow. in his eyes at least. the air felt still, and the wind was no longer knocking his senses out of him. it was peaceful. the ground was beneath him, he could see the details of each individual brick on the pavement.

and then,,,

he woke up again.

**Author's Note:**

> hope thy enjoyed i low-key liked writing this lmao  
> sorry for the ending but i will probably never write straight up main character death lmao, you can view this however you want though, it’s up to your interpretation :]
> 
> and yes, the describing of wilbur’s living area is just me describing mine lmao.  
> the kid that got stabbed is this little shit who stole my scooter (he’s completely fine now lmao it was like two years ago) who i hate <3
> 
> here are a few select people i’ve seen who were interesting on the street :D  
> 1\. drunk group of teenagers which is pretty common but still, they were shouting and shit and it was entertaining to watch, smh ignoring covid completely though don’t do that people  
> 2\. i saw my local pizza guy who walks insanely fast and he saw me so i hid for like three seconds and when i went back out he saw me again so i’m never going to that pizza place ever again :’]]  
> 3\. this guy had a sheet around him and walked over to the building under construction to sit down, it was sad af, it’s extremely cold outside and he kept trying to make himself warm, i went inside for a few minutes and he was gone tho, no idea where he went  
> 4\. at like 9pm there were four kids on the street in front of the building under construction and i recognised them since they were there last week playing some stupid game, i swear they look like six why are they outside  
> 5\. a fox came by, which i was really excited about since we used to get foxes across the street every night when it used to be this like, car place and now we don’t really anymore so it was poggers
> 
> that’s all i can really remember, the other people were just random people doing what people do, one guy made eye contact with me for a solid three seconds though, it was extremely awkward lmao
> 
> have a good day, take care of yourself (or at least try please), ily nerds <3


End file.
